I am going to take down the post I put up about my son's fighting. I had a chance to talk to him and it turned out I didn't have all the facts. I knew that was a risk when I posted it, I even mentioned that the information I presented was all I knew, but it was incomplete and the parts missing were key. The first thing missing from the second hand description I heard was that our kid was not the aggressor. He punched in response to a shove, not just words, but a hand on the chest and push. Not exactly a punch, but it was designed to instigate a fight. So be it. The other information that was missing is equally important. The two guys had run across each other before on that same night and were already at the stage where they were pissing each other off. The incident wasn't rash and spontaneous, it was brewing. The fight was quick and over. I spoke to him about the dangers that exist when you get involved with an unknown someone after drinking. I haven't changed my view on fighting or bullies. I detest both. But that wasn't the case here.
I think that part of the problem I had in this case is that I want my kids to listen to what I say and avoid some of the situations that I have had to go through. I had my share of fights when I was young. And I realised as I spoke to him that my last punch throwing fight was at age 22. He is still 21. I would sure like to spare him the ordeal of learning the hard way that someone can always fight better than you think they can.
Wow. I'm sorry I missed the post, Arthur, but it sounds like it turned out alright in the end -- that is, no one got seriously hurt.
I think you have a valid concern, especially nowadays. Fighting is one thing (and can certainly end very badly) but today, guns have taken the bar waaaay up. I actually have a black belt and still do my best to avoid physical conflict. I say it all the time: the best way to win a fight is to avoid it completely.
Having studied fighting more than the average bloke, I have some strong feelings on the subject. You can get a general idea of where I stand from this post, should you be so inclined.
Anyway, your diligence is honorable and I hope you keep the conversation going with your son. The more one understands the nature of fighting, the easier it is to avoid it.
Posted by: Kirk | 11/25/2008 at 05:26 PM
I appreciate your comment. I also read your blog on martial arts and fighting, recognizing the Bruce Lee quote even before I read the post. I suspect we have a similar view on fighting and violence in general. But I have never had any martial arts training of any sort. I was, until my senior year of high school, THE smallest kid, boy or girl, in school. Learned early in life that avoidance was the only way I was going to stay out of fights. Particularly liked your part about confidence. I am going to show it to my son as this is the part he lacks for sure. He is sensitive to criticism and spends a great deal of time worrying about what other people think of him. Thanks for the comment. Art
Posted by: Arthur Thompson | 11/29/2008 at 07:28 PM
Awesome. The man was amazing in so many ways. I'm glad you noted that. :)
It is the most important part, to be sure. All else is directly affected by it. When striving to make violence truly a last resort, the only absolute requirement is that the young man love and believe in himself. Even fear -- another major setback -- is profoundly mitigated by solid confidence.
I know how he feels. My biggest downfall most of my life was a lack of confidence and a ridiculous need for approval. I'd be lying if I told you I started studying martial arts for any noble reasons. I pretty much wanted to either impress you or have the option of beating you up if you mocked me. Now I finally know the best way to impress people is to have absolutely no desire to do so.
Here's another Bruce Lee quote that's always good to meditate on: "There is no opponent."
Posted by: Kirk | 11/30/2008 at 11:41 AM